Why Your Bartender is a Genius, and How You Are Too!

Bartenders and Albert Einstein are on equal footing – hear me out. Bartenders are modern day alchemists, whipping up drinks at record speed that rival even the fastest cup-stackers in history.

But more than that, they turn grotesque liquids into liquid syrups. They twist and turn, shake, smile, and manage to grab you in their aura of liquor knowledge. One can only stop and stare at a bartender. Their rituals are sacred knowledge:

1 part vodka
3 parts cranberry juice

Both must be done with a fragile hand and good aim.

Say you walk into a bar one evening. It’s been a long day, and you’re tired. In fact, you’re so tired you can’t even decide what to get! Out comes those two words– you know what they are. “Surprise me.”

“Surprise me,” says the bartender, “Surprise me, you say?”. Slowly, your bartender turns around.

Despite his wide scope of what alcohol pairs with what base, those two words evoke exasperation deep down in your bartender’s soul. This bar is their laboratory, and this is when they go to work.

Like Albert Einstein, bartenders are scientists and pioneers of their craft. It takes a breadth of understanding to comprehend which liquids must be kept far away from each other, and which might, just might taste like a sweet dose of heavenly blossom. More than that, “surprise me” puts a lot of pressure on a bartender to come up with a novel drink without any sort of direction.

But this is where you come into play and this is where you can help! Albert Einstein did not come to some of his best discoveries without the basics or helpful guidance of genius scientists before him. No, he had a number of papers to guide his work and inspire him.

And like those papers, you can be a helper in your scientist’s work with just a few guiding words including, but not limited to “something sweet, sour, dark, light, citrusy, creamy, orange, clear, dessert”. You are the pointing way, the northern light in your bartender’s quest for greatness.

You can’t retract your egregious mistake. Instead, you offer up a a feeble response.. “Surprise me…with something sour?”
“Right to it, and it’s on the house,” he responds. You’re basically Crick & Watson at this point.

Thanks to you, and thanks to your modern day alchemist, the two of you can work together in perfect harmony to provide the ultimate drink. Be smart, drink smart, and always remember to provide guidance. Your bartender will thank you!