There’s a Hipster in Your Drink — Here’s How to Get It Out

Hipsters bring a lot of good to the world. They also bring awful, unnecessary things. They’re just kind of extra, especially when it comes to food and beverages. Meet a group of ten hipsters, and at least four of them will fancy themselves as mixologists. The results are … interesting. Unless you like to drink alcohol that resembles alcohol, in which case, the results are actually quite horrifying. See for yourself.

White Peach and Gin Fizz

The poor Gin Fizz. It’s been thoroughly debauched by hipsters, probably because it lends itself so well to a variety of flavors. We can’t really say anything bad about peaches, white or otherwise, since peaches are delicious. However, they also have their place, and their place is not in a Gin Fizz. If you want to get the hipster out of this particular cocktail, just go the traditional route. Make yourself a Fizz the way Fizzes were meant to be made.

Recipe:

1 ounce of club soda
2 ounces of Plymouth gin
1 ounce of lemon juice
¾ of an ounce of simple syrup
1 egg white

Grab a Collins or Fizz glass, add the club soda, then set it aside. Add everything else into your cocktail shaker, but don’t add ice yet—just shake it for 10 seconds or so. Now add a few ice cubes and shake vigorously, then double strain the mixture into your glass.

Charred Pineapple Mojito

This mojito is so damn extra. Half of the stuff in there isn’t even necessary. We cannot imagine cooking anything in order to enjoy a drink. We have a hard enough time making our own simple syrup, thank you very much. Point blank, pineapples are not needed in mojitos. Charred pineapples are definitely unnecessary. To banish the hipster back to whence it came, leave out the pineapple and stick to the lime.

Recipe:

10 fresh mint leaves
½ of a lime, cut into four wedges
2 tablespoons of white sugar, just to taste
1 cup of ice cubes
1 ½ ounces of white rum
½ of a cup of club soda

Muddle the mint and one lime wedge in the bottom of a sturdy glass, then add two more lime wedges as well as the sugar and muddle once more. Don’t strain. Fill the glass with ice, pour the rum over it, then top it off with club soda. Stir, give it a taste, and add more sugar if you need to, then garnish with the last lime wedge.

Lavender Collins

There’s no question that the Lavender Collins is a gorgeous drink. Just look at it. However, it also tastes like lavender. Since lavender is a calming herb, we cannot help but feel that mixing it with alcohol is basically like drinking a coma. Do yourself a favor. Forget about the hipster additions, enjoy a Tom Collins, and if you’re that crazy about lavender, then just take a bath with some Calgon after.

Recipe:

1 ½ cups of ice
2 ounces of gin
¾ of an ounce of lemon juice
½ of an ounce of simple syrup
1 cup of ice
2 ounces of club soda
1 lemon wedge

Take a Collins glass, fill it with the 1 ½ cups of ice, then place it in the freezer. Now grab your cocktail shaker, fill it with the rest of the ice, and add the gin, juice, and syrup. Shake vigorously until chilled, then strain over your Collins glass. Top it off with the club soda, then garnish with the lemon wedge.

Have hipsters ruined any of your favorite drinks with their creative nonsense? What did they do to your signature cocktail?